it's a small world after all

ok, portland is too small. i just ran into jazz hands when waiting for my friend outside the cinema. and he blanked me! i said hello, and he pretended he didn't know me - whatever!! my friend thinks maybe he didn't recognize me because my hair was back. either that, or he purposefully blanked me since i've turned down three requests for another date. hmmmm. i'll let you decide.

third date limbo land

the question on the table is: after 3 dates, is it my duty to tell smarty pants in person that i don't want to see him anymore?

i wasn't even going to take the third date. we went out on a tuesday, he emailed on wednesday, called on thursday and emailed again on saturday before even getting a response from me. talk about pursuit! his email on saturday was an invitation to brunch on sunday at the most popular brunch spot in portland. and i was convinced by fellow portlanders that it would be worth taking the third date just to eat at this place. so...i go.

i meet him in front of the restaurant on a beautiful autumn day. and he hands me a cd. oh crap...he made me a cd? this is not a good sign.

he really is not a bad guy. and he dresses well (except the hideous leather coat that he wore on date two). and he's not bad looking...i'm just not attracted to him. is it too much to ask for butterflies in my stomach? i want butterflies dammit!

we have a nice brunch (delicious food, btw), but i'm still not digging him. and all i can think about is how much i'm dreading the end of the date. is he going to go in for the kill? am i going to have the guts to tell him "i'm just not that into you"? well...neither happened. i'm a chicken (and maybe he is too).

even worse, he sends me a half-drunk email last night, explaining the cd. and because of the way his mind works, i know that he did not choose any of these songs by accident. i'm trying not to read into the lyrics...ugh.

so do i have the responsibility to tell him in person now? i'm not even sure i can handle on the phone. i totally want to take the easy way out and email him. i'm such a jerk! oh wait...let me rationalize...it would be easier for him to read it in an email as well. i'm doing him a favour. yes, that's it! i'm sparing his feelings so he doesn't have to respond immediately. i like the way i think ;)

email rejection and smarty pants revisited

well, i told water boy that i didn't see us dating. and yes...i did it over email. gutless and heartless, i know! and i felt even more so when he response was along the lines of "that's a shame because i really thought we were developing a rapport." i hope that rejecting these guys is not adding up in some pool of bad karma, just waiting for me to trip and fall into it. i feel terrible; does that make it not count against me?

i meet up with smarty pants again, and he does seem to fit his nickname well. discussions of camus are second nature to him, sheesh. sometimes i think he's not a show-off, but other times i think he's a bit up his own ass in pretention. he makes acronymic references that are obscure, forcing me to ask for clarification. at this point i feel stupid, and no one likes to feel stupid. i fear i'm walking into another situation of admiring his mind, getting along with him well, all the while being unsure of how physically attracted to him i am.

karma, please don't get me back!

i'll just have water goes for a margarita

so after my water boy posting, you may be wondering why on earth did i go out with this guy again? well...i kinda used him. i really wanted to see 'an inconvenient truth', and he mentioned he wanted to see it as well. i don't like going to movies by myself, so...i used him. sue me.

i'm waiting in front of the cinema, really thinking i'm going to be stood up. we are supposed to meet at 6:45 for a 7pm movie, and he finally shows a couple of minutes after 7. i was constructing my nasty "so you decided to stand me up" email in my head, and i didn't get to use it. even though we have not spoken on the phone, he does have my number. i am slightly miffed that he didn't think it necessary to call and warn me of his tardiness, and he is not nearly apologetic enough. oh well, into the movie.

[SIDE BAR]
everyone needs to go see "an inconvenient truth". this documentary has been out for a few months, so i'm a little behind the game. but this is one of the most important films of our time. there were plenty of statistics and theories about global warming in it that i had heard before, but seeing them all in one film was like a punch in the gut. i cried. and i cried more when i got home. we live in very frightening times and we are each responsible for making a change in our own lives. i intend to subject my family to this film if the dvd is out in time for christmas.

after the movie, i can barely get my brain working again. but we decide to go for a bit of mexican food. i tell the waiter that after the movie we just saw, i need a strong margarita. he says that the night before a few people coming from the same film went for shots at the bar. yes, the film is that heavy. but more interesting is that "i'll just have water" also ordered a margarita! (and a second later on.) so i guess he does drink more than just water.

most of our conversation is pretty depressing - all about the state of the world etc. after the film we just watched. he's definitely a clever guy, and i think i could learn a lot from him. but i most definitely do not think he is the kind of guy i want to date. and i was too chicken to say this to him at the end of the evening. so now i'm trying to formulate an email to send to him. i know - email break-ups are tacky! but this is not a break-up since we're not really dating. ok?

is it too much to ask that a guy be intelligent and social? someone who likes to have deep conversations, but also cares a bit about what he's wearing? not quite metrosexual, but does know what jeans are cool while at the same time knows how to fix things around the house? i may be too demanding...

smarty pants

saturday was busy - two dates in one day! neither of them knew, of course. :)

i meet smarty pants outside a bookstore, and we walk down to the local saturday market. we walk around the stands at the market, then all around downtown, just chatting. conversation is pretty easy, and we have a lot in common about which to talk.

i'm grasping at straws for some funny anecdotes to pull out of this date, and there really aren't many. sorry to disappoint! he's extremely intelligent, almost to a point of intimidation (hence his nickname). he's also an army brat, having moved around a lot as a kid. despite these two things, he seems suprisingly socially adept. physically, i'm not too sure. he's got a cute face, but he's not exactly what i would call tall and lanky. more the opposite, in fact.

oh! i thought of a funny story, but it makes fun of myself more than him. he doesn't drive, and hasn't since he was 19. he says he has trouble seeing, and i tease him a bit about being "mr. no depth of perception" (some of you will remember this SNL skit). well...he goes on to explain how he was in a motorcycle accident at 19, and he actually doesn't have much depth of perception because of the damage done to his optical nerve. whoops. foot in mouth...

sporto returns

i went out with sporto again, this time to one of our fantastic portland cinemas that serve beer. thank you mcmenamin's! we saw a movie that falls into the "stupid comedy" realm - not my favourite, but sometimes still amusing. sporto found the movie much funnier than i did, which wasn't a huge surprise to either of us. the rest of the evening left me pondering "do opposites really attract?"

here's what we don't have in common:
sports he loves 'em, i hate 'em. and i mean, really hate 'em
france i love france, he hates the french. i think he might hate them more than anything else. and people who are france-haters drive me crazy. at least it's not for political reasons, because i could not stand for that.
journey he still thinks they're an awesome band, while i think they are only good for drunk reminiscing. i didn't realize people actually still listened to their music on purpose.
country in addition to 80s guitar rock, he also likes country music - yuck! he does recognize that most people hate it, though, so it's not so bad. maybe i'm just concentrating on the negative.
optimism speaking of concentrating on the negative... i am a bit of a pessimist (though i prefer to think of myself as a realist). he's an optimist, which is weird for me.

here's what i like:
he's cute. finally some confirmation that there are some cute people on match.com! he has prolonged eye teeth - now i know most people reading this will find it beyond odd that i like this. but i have a fascination with vampires. the canines play very nicely to that. he is witty and a total smartass. a smartass likes a fellow smartass.

i don't know if this will continue, but we'll see...

i'll just have water

i have a lot of intelligent friends. and because of this, i know that intelligence does not have to go hand-in-hand with social ineptitude. it doesn’t have to, but sometimes it seems that it does.

so i meet up with i'll just have water (let’s call him water boy for short) at a great little cuban restaurant. again, i get to see another great place in portland. so i order the house sangria, and water boy says, “i’ll just have water.” according to his profile, he’s not anti-alcohol, so i’m not sure how i should feel about this. oh well, i move on and enjoy my sangria. he was missing out – it was very tasty!

we have another situation on our hands where the guy is so shy that he spends a lot of time looking down. or maybe no one wants to look at me?? anyway, i’m finally able to engage water boy in interesting enough conversation that he looks me in the eye. he’s very intelligent, and the conversation is mostly stimulating. he’s a civil engineer, and that means our sustainable development conversations are interesting and informative. very sweet guy, just not so cute. again, the photos on the profile are slighty misleading. water boy, you should grow back your beard.

we go for a nice walk after dinner, where he informs me that he’s not the kind of psycho that is dangerous. huh?!!? at my alarm, he confirms he’s really just quirky, and i needn’t be concerned. i’m thankful we’re in a busy part of town. joking aside, i don’t think he’s psycho, just a bit socially awkward.

his profile claims he’s really into live music – ska and ben harper most notably. i have a difficult time trying to get him to show some excitement about music…or anything really. his profile did warn that he can be quiet to begin with – i’ll concur. if i were more attracted to him, i might have more patience waiting for his chattiness to kick in. as it stands, i’m not so sure i’ll wait.

sporto

sporto's nickname was first mr. competitive. but when my friend agnes read this, she said she had an instant mental picture of emilio estevez in the breakfast club, pulling on his sweatshirt hood strings, and judd nelson calling him "sporto". so shout out to agnes, mr. competitive is renamed.

he claims to be a real “guy’s guy”. he likes sports…a lot. i know what you’re thinking. “melissa, what are you doing? this is not your type?” but sporto is easily the BEST emailer ever. he is a fantastic writer, creative, imaginative and hilarious. i have to give him a chance.

he calls me on friday, after my plans for the evening have fallen through and i am already in my comfy pants and feeling lazy. i’m settling in for a nice night catching up on the tivo and probably falling asleep on the couch after a long work week. somehow he convinces me to meet him for a late dinner, even though i am not feeling at my cutest. we go to a cool restaurant in southeast portland. it’s a great place, and we have delicious food and good drinks at the bar. the bartender is personable and attentive. sporto is funny, kind, intelligent and a gentleman. but he is most definitely not my usual type. i mean, he’s into sports!

update...this just in
sporto sends me a text saying “you’ve got mail,” and i’m excited to get home and check my email. and now i’m smiling – sweet email, and he wants to see me again. this story is definitely not yet finished.

where's waldo

where’s waldo and i had been emailing and talking on the phone for a couple of weeks. i noticed he seemed slightly reticent to meet up, but i was ready to move on to the next step. because let’s face it, you need to see if there is any physical attraction. so we go for appetizers and cocktails at a café. it turns out to be a cool place, which will basically be the only good thing to come out of this date.

when i first meet him in front of the café, i notice that he can barely look at me. in fact, he hardly looks at me while we are talking for the first 30 minutes. where’s waldo is painfully shy. and you might be wondering if he was wearing a funny beanie hat and a striped sweater. no, he actually earned his nickname for other similarities to waldo. he was tall, very thin, and his face was wide at the top with a narrow pointy chin. and bad glasses again. he was actually one of the least attractive people i have ever met. i’m sorry, waldo, but it was true. he vaguely resembled his profile photos. vaguely. they must have been taken from the perfect angle, in really good light, and several years ago.

good conversation is lacking, and yet for some reason he actually orders a second drink. will the night ever end? we really don’t have much in common, though the emailing and phone calls may have led me to believe differently. i’m beginning to think he might actually believe this is going well. i’m being very nice, but trying not to give him the wrong idea. it’s really that i pity him. i hope he’s not mistaking it for interest. finally the bill arrives. he walks me to my car and goes in for the hug! yuck. it’s like hugging a big bird – he’s all bones. but it really all comes back to the face… so not attractive. please don’t let where’s waldo call again. i may have already hit my limit of kindness.

update
oh no, he emailed asking for a second date. he “had a really nice time on thursday.” damn, i knew i was too nice. ok, now how do i nicely say "there's no chance in hell..."?